Monday, December 7, 2009

each day i feel suffocated .. my hatred for them is still deep but alhamdulillah imy love for god is great.
i feel like a whore each time .. am glad he got his wife to fulfill some of his needs .. when she takes over completely wc she seems to be wanting to .. at times snarling me for occupying his moments .. ha have him i dont want him .. i need the roof to live for my son and i

Friday, September 18, 2009

The man is playing ard ... pretending tat he hates her company but all the while he is just trying to set up another meeting. Luckily he had received enough anger treatment from me to play around by making the creep meet with me. I have no desire to meet any of this relatives ... his mothers and his lover/wife for the rest of my life or his which ever come first.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

are they playing my emotions again ... i do believe in the supernatural and he claims that her family are doing voodoo stuff on him
My youngest got another theory .. she is trying to kill him and he is paranoid now cos he does realise things are not rite
Sumhow is theory is more believable .. she claims not know certain things and yet at her age ... she couldnt claim to be THAT IDIOTIC

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Am a lonely star, always on the path of gloom-
In love with me n myself coz, no one else cared,
I would wade into the depths of sorrow-
And grieve till my eyes could no longer fill

I would fake myself in to believe that,
One day I will emerge from the deep dark depths-
Of my own sorrow and longing,
To a new day with a fresh beginning

Memories burning in my soul, tears in my eyes
I still keep waiting for my lost sunshine
But I know my life won’t be the same again,
Still I keep waiting for her to return……

Sunday, September 6, 2009


back from hols

Monday, August 31, 2009

He said :
yes as said before again and again i love u first she comes later in my life. now i love both. i stand by my words

full of bshit cos our Rasulullah loves Aisyah the most and he never mislead his other wives so. All knew that but he treated them equally except for his love.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Today i decided to check on my vision which i had earlier and had asked her the meaning ( it was in chinese) and her translation was something coffin but actually it means fire earth and wood. Precisely that is us in chinese element

Fire feeds the earth while wood destroy the earth and yet feeds the fire
The riddles still lingers

Another dream ... the fight worst without me ... my mission ????

My man again decided to be fair .. for this raya he decided to be with her cos she might be lonely
Fair is according to the dates allocated and allowing whoever to donate not take her rites to give to another. God i sure hate me

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Last nite he came and i relented ... somehow i knew his wife didnt know he came to berbuka with me
Early today opened an email from him wc hinted about me being a witch who is cursing his miserable life. What he cant take is take after all the ill treatment he had given me .. all i did was raised my hands to the almighty to show him guidance ... make an example out of his so that so other muslim and muslimah could go on this world and not be punished for their bad deeds. He was a lousy husband a lousy father and lousy son and also a lousy worker and boss Yet he believed that he was god's creation as gift to us. He walk this earth thinking that
And when all bad luck came his way ( me the only one cursing how loud) he tot i was practising witch craft and making his life miserable
Vanity and syaitan goes along together and this man seems full of them
His stupid new wife is just as bad perhaps igniting flames of the already burnt jar of anger. How could a 35 year go on claiming that she is so innocent of her rude behaviour or all the bad deeds she does. Going out and dating another woman's husband (is god's will) and flirting with the boss is so innocent that she claims to be ignorant of. Well he believes her .. as my son puts it ... she is brand new despite the flaws
And i am expired and waiting to be sent to a mental asylum but they feared i might be chanting there ... i really should move on and leave the two pathetic souls to their bitter end THE SNAKES deserve each other and Ya Allah let them coilled each other to death

Monday, August 24, 2009

Under an advise of an old and dear fren I decided to try to FORGET AND FORGIVE the man i despise.
and thus i wrote an email and the man came around noon .... hah i told him my problems and he didnt even seems to care ... why should him cos i degraded his brand new loving sweet wife
deep down he seems to agree but ah

I feel good and now hoping i get my wish of total freedom from them

Saturday, August 22, 2009

How much does RM 100 carries ... my darling husband gave me that sum a week ago and expect me to feedit the cats and his sons with it ... what other indication does that tells you He is the mathematical genius and his brand new Asst Manager wife could always help calculated the figure to see if his money is more than enough.

Fasting month and i found myself eating less to feed the children and pets. I guess i needed the diet.

The hungrier i get the more i felt that i was taken for a ride ... enough said the man doesnt love you what more his children. Perhaps after fasting month i should go report and he will bring the issue about me going bonkers ... then he can have the children ... i will leave

I am beyond caring about selfish men and their wife who boasted she is so loyal .. (loyal bafoon)

Sunday, August 16, 2009

The man ignored my phone calls (perhaps he wanted to respect my desire for space ... haha one blew up later) and also ignored that we arepenniless ... no income to feed his sons and cats he left behind.
Finally he answered his son's sms and then 3 sms later to announce RM 100 has been deposited ... ooo that is a lot bought eggs friskies and bread and balance to his eldest we are left with RM 50 ... OH well i really need a job just to suppliment our income
A poem i wrote earlier -
I live in a house claimed to be mine yet taken over by another
To be a queen, but an aging queen waiting to be suceeded
Being told that i am happy with a happiness that isnt mine
And seeking a dream that i never dreamt
Am drowning in my sea of happiness created for me , yet not desired for me
Am overcome by utter joy built on my utter miseries
And the sound of laughter chocking my tears of silence
i am so happy that lunacy beckons me

Saturday, August 15, 2009

today i read tat Waheeda is getting married to her ustaz Akil and thus ... my disappointment rushed to my pit of stomach almost vormit and got eaten back why .. do i have a crush on the ustaz no .. far from it
Their love live mirrored the love life of my husband and his new wife
Months and years the gossip mongers related their affairs to me and i got proved of their affair ... only to be dauced by his lies and even to the extend of putting me a mental asylum
Two days back when i recalled the situation to them the proud wife said ... " itu kehendak Allah " the will of god he willed them to go dating and making the main wife mad, sent her to lunacy bin and told almost everyone that she is mad while the victimised gal was being slanderised and outstricised by public ... pity the whore who doesnt know what she is doing and pity the man who makes fun of his wife disillusionment.
But the Ustaz divorced his wife .. ending her mental torture and they forgave each other and invited his two young children meaning his ex was fully informed of the wedding and not left in the dark .. he did rite finally to her.
My man ... brought his wife into my house put her in my bed ... and if i dont mind slept together all three of us ... I minded
so i slept in the store room but they have a condo where they can go and release they tension sumwhere in another area of KL and me ... i do the cooking and taking care of children ... a fucking maid
they boasted that they took care of me .... keeping an eye on me .... i told them just let me alone but they laughed
they were having too muh fun "doing good" realizing or unrealizing that she took away so many of my rites and lastly desinated me to be an aging aunt "expired" as my son puts it
help ..... and when i blew up ... i am mad guessed i am mad after all

Sunday, July 26, 2009

the happiest moments of my life was last year .... working trip with my son during fasting and early raya puasa days.
i was with my youngest who accompanied me during my darkest yet most memorable time ... i really appreciate him being there for me and yet it was the most beautiful raya puasa i ever had since childhood.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Signs of a Bad Marriage Show Themselves Early
by Abigail van Buren

Dear Abby:

Two weeks ago, my husband let it slip that he wants a divorce. Since we were married, his personality has changed completely - he is not the man I married. I would like to pass along some tips for anyone considering marriage, and share some of the bright red flags I chose to ignore.

If your parents or siblings have doubts about him, pay attention. Listen and check it out.
If your intended has nothing good to say about his ex, beware. This is a pattern. Divorce is rarely only one person's fault.
If his children have nothing to do with him, do not believe him if he says his ex brainwashed them against him. My stepchildren have told me it was because they hated him, and they have good reasons.
Look closely at his credit and job history. They are sure predictors of what your life will be like.
If he's over 30 and has no money, do not let him move in with you, and don't marry him until he's financially solvent. If he has any respect for you (and himself), he'll insist on it.
Be sure in your heart that you can live with him AS IS. You cannot change another person.
This is a biggie: Beware if he has no friends. It is not true that they all chose to side with his ex.
If your friends dislike him, pay attention. This is also true if he hates your friends.
If he has more than one DUI and still drinks, run!
If he is one personality at work or with others, and another person alone with you, run.
If he has nothing to do with his parents, investigate why. Don't take his word for it.
If he's an expert at everything and brags a lot, understand that he will turn off a lot of people, eventually maybe even you.
If he has sexual problems, go with him to a doctor before you marry him. Believe me, his problem will become your problem.
If he is emotionally or verbally abusive, it will only get worse. Yelling, name-calling and glowering are classic signs of an abuser.
If he is never wrong and never apologises, everything will be "your fault" forever. And after years of hearing it, you may even start to accept the blame. Or come to hate him.
If he does something wrong and says, "That wouldn't have happened if you hadn't ()," that's another sign of an abuser.
And if he's mean to children, pets or animals, recognise that he's pathological, and the next victim could be you.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

yipee am using the new setting at my work station and simply adorable

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

moving forward but not forgetting what he did

tat is a promise i intend to keep being married to him or not ... insyallah

Monday, June 22, 2009

Entry for June 07, 2008
Emotional Abuse
leave any measurable physical damage, but they will cause progressive, long-term harm. Never underestimate the power of words: words are used to brainwash.
Being told you are “stupid”, “ugly”, “lazy” or “worthless” is never acceptable. The first times you hear it, it will hurt, naturally. In time you “may get used to” hearing it from a partner. That’s when you start to internalize and believe it. When that happens you are doing the other person’s work of putting you down for them. This is why your feelings of self-worth suffer increasingly over time.
The good news is that just as words have been used to bring you down, you can learn to harness the power of words to build you up and restore your confidence and belief in yourself.
2. You are always told that it’s your fault. Somehow, whatever happens, however it starts, the ultimate blame is always yours. Notice that we are talking ultimate blame here. The blaming partner will always tell you that their behavior was caused by what you said or did. In fact, their argument runs along the lines that you can’t possibly blame them for anything, because if you hadn’t said what you said, or done what you did it would never have happened.
3. You’re more inclined to believe your partner than you are to believe yourself. Have you ever reeled with a sense of hurt and injustice, or seethed with anger at the way you’ve been treated? Have you found yourself asking: “Is it reasonable to feel like this?” “Am I misinterpreting things?” “Have I got it wrong?”
If this is you, what it means is that you have become so brainwashed you’ve stopped trusting in your own judgment. Your mind keeps throwing up the observations and questions because, deep down, you know that what is happening is utterly wrong. But right now you can’t feel the strength of your own convictions.
4. You need your partner to acknowledge your feelings. Have you ever felt desperate to make your partner hear what you are saying and apologize for the hurtful things they’ve said? Have you ever felt that only they can heal the pain they’ve caused?
Does your need for them to validate your feelings keep you hooked into the relationship?
When a partner constantly denies or refuses to listen to your feelings, that is, unquestionably, mental abuse.
5. Your partner blows hot and cold. He can be very loving but is often highly critical of you. He may tell you how much he loves you, yet he is short on care or consideration towards you. In fact, some of the time, maybe even a lot of the time, he treats you as if you were someone he truly dislikes.
You do everything you can to make him happy, but it’s never good enough. You’re more like the pet dog in the relationship than you are the equal partner. Your constant efforts to get his attention and please him meet with limited success. Sometimes he’ll be charmed, often he’s dismissive.
If you find yourself puzzling about how your partner can treat you that way, it is because you are trying to live in a love-based relationship, when in reality you are living in a control-based relationship. The mental abuser struggles with his own feelings of worthlessness and uses his relationship to create a feeling of personal power, at his partner’s expense.
6. You feel as if you are constantly walking on eggshells. There is a real degree of fear in the relationship. You have come to dread his outbursts, the hurtful things that he will find to say to you. (Maybe the same anxiety and need to please spill over into your other relationships also.)
Fear is not part of a loving relationship, but it is a vital part of a mentally abusive relationship. It enables the abuser to maintain control over you.
7. You can heal. Mentally abusive relationships cause enormous emotional damage to the loving partner who tries, against all odds, to hold the relationship together and, ultimately, can’t do it, because her partner is working against her.
Whether you are currently in a mentally abusive relationship, have left one recently, or years later are still struggling with the anxieties and low self-worth and lack of confidence caused by emotional abuse, it is never too late to heal.
But you do need to work with a person or a program specifically geared to mental abuse recovery.
Women who have suffered mental abuse expect radical change of themselves, and they expect it right away. This is why they often struggle and, not uncommonly, take up with another abusive partner.
Mental abuse recovery is a gradual process. Low self-worth and limiting beliefs about what kind of future the abuse sufferer can ever hope for are the blocks that can stop women from moving on. But they are blocks that you can clear very effectively. Just as language was once used to harm you, you can now learn how language can heal you. You can overcome past emotional abuse and keep yourself safe from it in the future. You can also learn to feel strong, believe in yourself and create the life and the relationships you truly want.

Entry for April 17, 2008
His mind is a classic narcissistic disordered ... and only deepened my worries about him and his children. He is using them to get to me as always without care ... I now hope that the bitch who is supply the N is enough but ... somehow I think his madness in wanting to have vengence on me his overriding everything. I know he is avoiding me ... to punish or is he deliriously happy with her ... I fear the former and every misfortune that I had for the past 2 -3 years seems to be his handiwork ... the car .. my job ... god he seems to sabortage every thing ...
I really pity him ... isnt here any more goodness left in the ugly old body of his ... he kept complaining about his Hormer looking face ... it is a smirk looking face like dorian gray ... minus his magic mirror and he really hates it and it really frightens me cos ... recently as I saw him ... he looks full of evil and I thought it was her work but .... the other way round.
Entry for March 22, 2008
It is really fun to see how my jerk ... he strangled me and came a calling the next day with the sweetest of behavior ... trying to romance the pants off me. And how fast he turned into MR Hyde when I refused. He went around practically showing off the scar I handed him ...
One police report later to emphasised my not wanting him as my husband .. I ve been given deposited money into my account.
I never been owner of such sum ... and now it is funny cos my Jerk never rewarded me that much.
Am glad he thus has someone else to give his shit too and all i need now is to recover and have my dignity and me back ..... he must be really having such a lot of fun bullying me into submission all these years .... hai to the emperor of Jerk.

Entry for March 23, 2008
Dear Jerk of mine ... you handed me such sum of money .. and you are right I am terrified cos ... feel like a trap has been sprung. Dear god such manipulation ... fairy tales of a prince gone beserk ... trapped princess turned into a mouse that gnawed in anger. Does that make her a mad person or an angry persona who is fighting back with all her live.
I hate you for what you are doing ... anipulative jerk ... go with your new found love and leave this old lady alone instead of your manipulativeness . One day you will get your just reward ....
Laugh away ............ you forgot that a trap and lost soul is alway taken pity by god and her cries for justice are usually heard.

Entry for March 16, 2008
It is really hard to get over being under a narcisstic personality disorder.... and since he wants to shift his attention to another ... i should rejoice or try. Not that the bitch who is taking over deserves any pity after all those insults thrown in my face.I just want to some peace in my life ... to move on into a space where i can learn to trust people again and am surprise that there are plenty out there offering such. Tat Mr NPD had almost destroyed all my trust and am glad people are offering attentions and help. Slowly and surely I hope to recover from all the lies and deceit webbed and all the manipulative moves that created a void in my life. Someone said that i used to be strong and somewhere and somehow tat emotion is still there. You will find it despite all the batteredness you have endured ... i really hope so cos dear god i sure need my strength to pick up the pieces and move on with my son looking on for support.Tags: Edit Tags

Entry for March 11, 2008
Things Great Men do Not Do

Things Great Men do NOT do... from A-Z

A Abuse their partners
B Bully their partners
C Cheat on their partners
D Deceive the partners
E Emotionally hurt their partners
F Frighten their partners
G Grumble about their partners to others
H Harm their partners
I Ignore or insult their partners
J Joke about their partners
K Knock their partner's self esteem
L Lie to their partners
M Malign, or mistreat their partners
N Neglect their partners
O Offend or oppress their partners
P Push their partners
Q Quelch the dreams and goals of their partners
R Ridicule or rule their partners
S Slander or subjugate their partners
T Tyrannize their partners
U Underrate their partners
V Violate or verbally abuse their partners
W Wrong their partners
X Explore extra-sexual/intimate relationships
Y Yell at their partners
Z Show Zero interest in their partners

Entry for March 11, 2008
How to Tell if a Man is Using Youif you are asking, you are probably feeling used. And if you are feeling used you are probably being used.
There is a significant difference for most men between wanting a woman for a plaything for a night or two, and wanting a real, healthy, mature relationshipHow can you tell the difference?

Why not ask yourself a few questions....

Does the guy appear interested in your life? Your family? Your interests? Or is he only interested in "alone time"?

Does the guy show care and respect for you? Or are you a convenience?

Do your conversations center around life, ideas, interesting thoughts? Or is it all about when you are available for sex?

Do you have a great time together when there is no physical activity going on? Or is sex the only thing that brings you together?

Do you feel cared for and cherished for being who you are? Or do you feel you are only valued for what you do for the guy?

Is the guy interested in your goals, your dreams, your hopes? Or is the relationship pretty much centered on his needs?

Do you feel in your heart that you are valued as a human being? Or do you feel your value comes from the guys expectations?

Do a little exploring. Be honest with yourself. Don't deny or repress your feelings. Be open to what your heart is telling you.again the highlighted indicated my great man


Entry for February 03, 2008
my birthday passed with lotsa of bang ...discovered the two lovers are at it again and again he is hiding the facts .... I shoved my head ... as promised that if i caught him lying I would do tat and if he keeps a single picture of her at home I would delete all my pictures and I did.I feel free ... not to be bullied by them anymore ... so what she can have the creep ... 10 Men You Should Never Date...Ever! life! Don't fall for them and their tactics!

1. The Liar ? Your interactions with him are based on false information that wastes your time. His coping skills are zero, and he will do it over and over with false apologies when caught. You believe him, and then get sucked in again.

2. The Addict -- Can you fix him? No. Will he fix himself? Maybe. In the meantime, his ability to interact and forge real relationships is stunted, no matter how good a man he might be. The haze of addiction clouds everything.

3. The Kid Who Won't Grow Up ? He will forever need a mother, not a lover.

4. The Angry Man ? He will destroy your self-esteem and self-confidence over time.

5. The Mama's Boy ? He is the Kid Who Won't Grow Up, with his mother attached.

6. Mr. Too Good To Be True ? He will come on strong, hook you and then disappear, every time.

7. The Drama King ? He creates ups and downs that turn your life into a yo-yo. One minute it's good then the next minute it's bad, and it's all about him, always.

8. The Coward ? He is afraid to love and afraid to leave, and he won't have your back when it counts.

9. The Passive and Distant Man ? He is the one of the most frustrating of all. He turns on the charm when he senses you leaving, and then pulls back when he knows he has you. He will always be absent, wistful, and wanting more. You will not be enough.

10. The Control Freak ? This man will eventually abuse you, first verbally and emotionally, then physically. Get out while you can.

Entry for March 01, 2008

After many months asking for divorce ... he finally granted me so I am now free from the evil man who used to be my husband

Entry for January 20, 2008
He was working late too and guess with whom Last Friday he had to work late .. I didnt bug him cos I was busy tryuing to secure myself a job. Late he sms and told me to accompany him to his music jaunt. I as always can stay in the car. Agreed. I was there I had met his friends wives who "lied" about his new marital status ..... I had vowed to him never to see them again and here as we were going he casually informed me that one of them will be there ... the vicious one too and he expected me to entertain. "No pressure you can always stay in the car" he smiled.The words repeated when we reached ... I took his words and stayed in the car. I know he was hurt and the relationship now seemed to be cemented to be I am leaving ... I dont like hurting him but strangely I feel free ... I am my own person.

Entry for January 24, 2008
Why Good People Suddenly Have an Extramarital Affair ?

1. Such infidelity is often with someone ?of a "lower social class." The OP (other person) is thought of by many as a "loser." The OP may have a history of unstable relationships. Often substance abuse is in the picture. The two of them together certainly, to most, seem to be a gigantic miss-match.

2. The feelings and emotional tug and pull of the affair is for him/her extremely powerful. S/he may say that for the first time s/he is "in love." S/he may say to the spouse, "I love you, but am not 'in love' with you." One is reminded of affair #4 in Break Free From the Affair, "I fell in love...and just love being in love." S/he cannot or chooses not to explain the affair in any other terms other than "I'm in love."

3. S/he seems to live in two worlds. To others s/he does an amazing job of moving from one world to another. S/he continues to parent, work and fulfill responsibilities, although at times it seems as if s/he is not really "there."

4. S/he may express anger, especially at the partner or spouse, although it may be rather indirect. It emerges typically as affair #1: "The Marriage Made me Do it." The spouse may be incredulous as s/he hears him/her saying, "The marriage was lousy. You never paid attention to me. You did this. You did that." Etc. Most of these "issues" were not previously addressed.

5. If there is a degree of awareness on his/her part, s/he may disclose: "I need to find out who I really am. And, I feel like I can be myself with the OP." S/he is, in reality, devoid of an inner core or self. S/he spent most of her/his energy accommodating others, basing his/her actions on what s/he thought others or society expected. Bottom line: s/he gives tremendous power to others, especially those of the opposite sex to define who s/he is, especially as a psycho-sexual being. S/he lacks an internal compass.

6. S/he is on a path of self-destruction. This is obvious to everyone but him/her. Again, if there is a degree of awareness, s/he may admit: "Yes, I know this might not work out, but I can't help it."

7. S/he may express little remorse. This comes as a huge surprise and shock to those who know him/her best. S/he is compelled to continue contact with the OP and a part of her/him is convinced this is something s/he MUST do. Damn the torpedoes. Straight ahead. And, s/he spends insignificant time apologizing.
Affairs occur mostly because of sexual attraction.
Fact: The lure of an affair is how the unfaithful partner is mirrored back through the adoring eyes of the new love. Another appeal is that individuals experience new roles and opportunities for growth in new relationshipsYou can have an affair without having sex. Sometimes the greatest betrayals happen without touching. Infidelity is any emotional or sexual intimacy that violates trust.

Entry for October 17, 2007

If you think you've not married your soul mate, don't just walk away from the relationship for that reason alone. Spend some time getting to know yourself a bit better first. You can't find your soul mate if you haven't found yourself.

Did you marry your soul mate?
Yes(89) 45%
No(48) 24%
Thought I did, but I was wrong(39) 20%
I don't believe in soul mates(18) 9%

Bottom line: Marrying a soul mate isn't necessary in order to have a successful and happy marriage.

Our Mirrors May Reflect:
Our Short Comings...
Magnified Pictures...
Repressed Emotions...

What You Need: to call it quits
A Plan
Realistic Expectations


Warning Signs of an Emotional Affair
You are withdrawing from your spouse.
You are preoccupied and daydream about your friend more and more.
You are not interested in being intimate with your spouse, either emotionally or sexually.
The amount of time you and your spouse spend together is less.
When confronted about the apparent emotional affair, you respond, "We're just friends."
You find yourself anticipating when you can communicate or be with your friend again. Alone time together is important to you.
You are sharing your thoughts, feelings, and problems with your friend instead of your spouse.
You find reasons to give your friend personal gifts.
Your friend seems to understand you better than your spouse does.
You are keeping your friendship a secret from your spouse.

One of the differences between a platonic friendship and an emotional affair is that an emotional affair is kept secret.
Sometimes the sexual attraction is acknowledged, and sometimes it isn't.

Is an emotional affair wrong?
Yes, an emotional affair can seriously compromise a marriage
(7376) 75%
No, an emotional affair doesn't involve sex, so it can't be wrong.
(1406) 14%
I'm not sure.
(1016) 10%
Total Votes: 9798

Entry for October 16, 2007
the other woman: She's the one every girl in a relationship fears and loves to hate. She could be the nicest girl in the world but that aspect of her taboo lovelife has to be hidden under a cloak of illicit darkness.
She can't shout out her love for her shared man from rooftops and her self respect is torn to shreds. Even the moments of happiness with him can't be sustained because she knows they are stolen moments and not truly hers to begin with. - borrowed from the urban-makcik
:the ow (well he traded down) and I feel hate and contempt and also glad at the whole picture ( I am really bad????)
what the ow thinks
"Oh, he's leaving her, he's been trying to let her down lightly, it might take some time."
"Oh, he's got kids, so he has to do this in his own way"
"His wife is very sensitive, she's threatended to commit suicide/is bipolar/is psychotic"
Being the other woman sucks eggs
" Will he ever leave her?", "Does he really mean what he said?", "Does he compare me to her constantly?"
"How can he treat her like this?Will he do the same to me?"
My intentions was not to break him and her apart. Never had that thought crossed my mind.
Wondering if he is lying again. Feeling used. Wondering if you could do better
"I don't think I'm the keeper of every marriage," she says. In fact, she blames the wives of married men for allowing their husbands to stray. "I think married women need a wake-up call,"
(words in red are the some of the words my OW said to me)
This man obviously does not love you or his wife because he's not being fair to either of you.

You can close your eyes to reality, but not to memories

Entry for October 16, 2007

the grief cycle:
*denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance
*Shock and denial
*Volatile Reactions - "Whenever one's identity and social order face the possibility of destruction, there is a natural tendency to feel angry, frustrated, helpless, and/or hurt. The volatile reactions of terror, hatred, resentment, and jealousy are often experienced as emotional manifestations of these feelings."
*disorganisation and despair

Once a cup is cracked, it is hard to mend. Water may still leak out from the cup if it is not mended properly. Crack lines can still be seen and using the cup everyday reminds you of how the cup was being broke. However, you never throw the cup away for your own reason(s. - quoted by peace bella

While the experience of grief is a very individual process depending on many factors, certain commonalities are often reported. Nightmares, appetite problems, dryness of mouth, shortness of breath, sleep disorders and repetitive motions to avoid pain

How to Overcome Sadness and Grief?

Do not try to contain or hide your sadness and grief. Cry out your pain, shedding tears cleanse and relieve from pain. Pray out your grief to get peace.

Continue with your life by following the same routine as you used to be before. Or, you can consider doing what you wanted to do for years.
If you have lost a loved one, first know the fact that he or she wants you to carry on your life happily.

Be here or there, he or she wants you to do the best.
You may have lost your loved one, but not your love. Remember - as long as your love is alive your loved one will be alive and he or she will be with you. Never say that you have ‘lost’ your loved one.

Helping someone suffering from sadness and grief feel better is the best way to make you happy and contented. Believe what you give out into the world comes back ten-fold. Always be ready to extend the love and help to another.
For some people, the best way to relieve sadness and grief is finding their own spirituality.

Attending prayers, hearing to spiritual songs and watching spiritual videos help a lot.

"Why do women go back to their cheating husbands?"
Because their desire to not be disrespected was stronger than their faith in love.
Friendship and bonding may be a reason why women want to remain with husbands who cheat.
because they are smart and realize that going back might make them stronger.
went back to my husband because I really loved him. I stepped out on faith, and I was really believing God to fix the situation, but needless to say I went through all kinds of mental torment with my husband after everything was all open.
I hated him, even though I stayed with him. I secretly rejoiced when he was miserable, I really hated him

NEVER, ever trust him again like you did before

October 11, 2007
Bad karma bad vibes ....
He ran over a sweet kitten on his way to have fun .... why is it every raya he seems to be able to destroy the joy and suck the happiness away. But last year was the worst ... when he persued a witch calling her his angel and soulmate ... I choose my bed and now force to lie on it
something my husband should say to me

Still undecided to what I am going to do with my life but one thing i know is that I would be nicer to everyone including my enermies - at the moment THE BITCH and my husband who still choose to cohort with the enermy. Says one thing but do the other ... how can he expects me to be that stupid. Oh yes he is so we females are lesser being rite???

Ladies, has your guy ever cheated on you?
No.15610 votes (10%)
Yes, I caught him red handed. 77328 votes (54%)
I've suspected, but never caught him.50152 votes (35%)

A study published this month by Daniel Kruger in the journal of Personal Relationships, shows that people consistently judge more masculine-looking versions of a male face as someone who is more likely to:
commit infidelity
make a pass at someone's else girlfriend
be promiscuous
Is Your Partner a Narcissist? From Loving the Self Absorbed by Dr. Nina Brown

Take this quiz and find out. Based on your knowledge of your partner, answer each of the following using this scale:

5-Always or almost always does this
4-Frequently does this
3-Does this sometimes
2-Seldom does this
1-Never of almost never does this


1. Constantly looks to you to meet their needs

2. Expects you to know what he/she expects, desires, and needs without having to ask for it

3. Gets upset when you are perceived to be critical or blaming

4. Expects you to put his/her needs before your own

5. Seeks attention in indirect ways

6. Expects you to openly admire him/her

7. Acts childish, e.g., sulks or pouts

8. Accuses you of being insensitive or uncaring without cause or notice

9. Finds fault with your friends

10. Becomes angry when challenged or confronted

11. Does not seem to recognize your feelings

12. Uses your disclosures to criticize, blame, or discount you

13. Is controlling

14. Lies, distorts, and misleads

15. Is competitive and uses any means to get what is wanted

16. Has a superior attitude

17. Is contemptuous of you and others

18. Is arrogant

19. Is envious of others

20. Demeans and devalues you

21. Is self-centered and self absorbed

22. Has to be the center of attention

23. Manipulates others to win attention

24. Is impulsive and reckless

25. Boasts and brags

26. Is insensitive to your needs

27. Makes fun of others’ mistakes or faults

28. Engages in seductive behavior

29. Is vengeful

30. Expects favors, but does not return them


126-150-It’s likely that your partner is a narcissist

102-125-Your partner has many narcissistic characteristics

78-101-Your partner has some troubling narcissistic traits

54-77-Your partner has few destructive narcissistic traits

30-53-It’s unlikely that your partner is a narcissist.

Entry for October 15, 2007

Got quoting from loveshack posted by Melovator
"I call it White Knight Syndrome or WKS. There are lots of guys out there with WKS- in order to feel good about themselves they need to be with someone who needs rescuing. Someone with more problems than themselves so they are the 'strong' one in the relationship. I've seen it so many times with a couple of male friends, they meet women who are really f**ked up and be there while she gets back on her feet and then as soon as she's together- DUMP! And looking my ex- he's got a bad case of it, rather than deal with his own problems, he takes on a woman with 'Damsel in Distress Disorder' (DIDD). I've always preferred to slay my own dragons!"

Hey that is precisely what she called him begging him to call her a princess who was being rescued. The jerk and

again something I heard his friends said to him comparing me to her ..... makes me hate him even more.I pitied her yet when all those cruel words she threw at me .... both are condemned here and in hell.

Why a wife stays in a marriage when her spouse is a cheater?
I honestly think one must be selling their soul to even consider themselves to be disrespected in that manner. In all fairness, at least the wife has MUCH more at stake than the OW does, and I can see her valiantly fighting to keep her marriage.

The OW, however, is simply fighting to keep someone who SO clearly has shown her ZERO respect and loyalty.
There are MANY reasons why the wife stays, but the usual over-riding reason is because she loves him. She loves the man she fell in love with and married. She also knows that many people make many mistakes.
She usually has FAR more experience and history with the man than does the OW, as well as a far greater investment. A wife also took a vow "for better or for worse". Usually she figure this is the "for worse" part.
they have invested years of their life in the relationship, and still hope it can be fixed.
you put up with a lot of bad behaviour when you love someone.
Even when you don't love your partner anymore, you might try to fix things for reasons of pride. Or because separating would mean having your life turned upside down. I suspect that some people don't separate not to have thrown in their faces what is taking place on their backs at present.
Any Woman who stays in a cheating marriage is indeed selling her soul.

A cheating husband is also a liar.

He lies not only to the OW but to his wife as well.
what the wife says (abt OW):
The truth is that she has no idea what he does when he's not with her...and most of the time he's with me.
He will ignore her phone calls when he's with me, or call her when I'm not around...but he always picks up my call regardless of whether he's with her or not.
He's told her even that we aren't being physically intimate
He has been upfront with me about his feelings for her and has asked me for time to wean himself off of her.
He has told her that he cannot assure their future together because he's not leaving his wife or his family
I have given him opportunity after opportunity to leave and go be with her. I've told him to leave and be with her
He has asked me not to make him leave and told me that home with me is where he wants to be.
I want his happiness more than I want my own.

My reasons to stay with him and work through this with him are
because he has asked me to. and financially am unstable and a mistake

    Your Inner Thoughts and Feelings
    Your Partner’s Belittling Behavior
  • Do you:
    feel afraid of your partner much of the time?
    avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner?
    feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner?
    believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated?
    wonder if you’re the one who is crazy?
    feel emotionally numb or helpless?
  • Does your partner:
    humiliate, criticize, or yell at you?
    treat you so badly that you’re embarrassed for your friends or family to see?
    ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments?
    blame you for his own abusive behavior?
    see you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person?

October 4 2007

Domestic violence and abuse

Dominance — Abusive individuals need to feel in charge of the relationship.
Humiliation — An abuser will do everything he can to make you feel bad about yourself, or defective in some way. Isolation — In order to increase your dependence on him, an abusive partner will cut you off from the outside world.

Threats — Abusers commonly use threats to keep their victims from leaving or to scare them into dropping charges.

He may also threaten to commit suicide, file false charges against you, or report you to child services.

Intimidation — Your abuser may use a variety of intimation tactics designed to scare you into submission.

Denial and blame — Abusers are very good at making excuses for the inexcusable.

They will blame their abusive and violent behavior on a bad childhood, a bad day, and even on the victims of their abuse.

Entry for October 05, 2007
The Other Woman - Slut! Tramp! Homewrecker!
The thing is, the other woman is a woman - pure and simple. The only difference between you and her is that she is in a relationship with a committed partner. Trouble is, he's not committed to her.

Here are the signs to be keen of.... a LYING CHEATING SPOUSE
1. Fingers or hand over the mouth
2. Fingers of hand over an ear
3. Fingers or hand over the eyes
Any of these can give away a strong signal if this is done right at the moment of a lie.

Many of them will change the type of music that they listen to, or the clothes that they wear, sometimes right down to the type of underwear that they prefer. They will also become overly possessive of their cell phones and computer usage.
It’s not easy to yell: “You can kiss my backside goodbye” even if you are being treated badly.
They call each other soulmate. She threatens me, asking me to leave, rude to me and tells him otherwise. Of course I am hurt and wish to get out of the triangle
meaning soulmate
and what am I who is married to him for more than 28 years who gave birth and raises his children, who stood by him when we had nothing to eat but porridge, who didnt eat for days just to see him able to work, who had to carried buckets of water for about 2 kilometers just that his children and him are able to clean themselves, who went to work to support the family to eat and at the end of the day had nothing at all for egg nest, who ..... what am I ratting about ... I am invisible.
It is easy for her to accept a $2000 camera when the children in the house were fed with money earned by the wife, go to dinners when the wife and children never step into those places that she and he dined
She demanded that he accoounted his whereabouts with sms while I kept mum for years and sms him to telling him about my condition (when waiting for result for cancer diagnose) and told him that she was being supportive and when she calls me insulted me by saying that I should let the man go cos I am dying.
When I finally blow my top she reports that I was abusive when she was the one who insulted me with her sms and phone calls. I ask if someone phones and text message your man every 2 seconds and says that she is doing it to be supportive of him enduring pain of losing meYet when talking to wife was insulting and rude, do I have the right to be angry???????
Entry for October 05, 2007

my dilemma
Is she a victim or a vixen? A brazen hussy or the girl next door?
Cheaters never win at love
Warning signs of depression/suicide:
* Isolation or withdrawal from family, friends, and activities * Eating too much or too little * Sleeping too much or too little * Unexplained fatigue * Losing interest in personal appearance * Taking unnecessary risks * Hostility *Alcohol or drug abuse

Last nite he cant even deny that he stills carrying an affair with the bitch Most probably consulting her on how abt the office politics. As long as with her then the office will continue to punish them especially him .... hey we have been married for 28 long years and she decided to upstage me, asking me to leave and pretending to pity and support my husband while I was waiting for mycancer diagnose. She text message him and offered pity almost every seconds while telling me to go off somewhere to die.

Entry for October 03, 2007
Domestic Violence Escape Kit
Pack a survival kit.
Money for cab fare
A change of clothes
Extra house and car keys
Birth certificates
Driver’s license or passport
Medications and copies of prescriptions
Insurance information
Credit cards
Legal documents such as separation agreements and protection orders
Address books
Valuable jewelry
Papers that show jointly owned assets
then walk out with confidence
People found out. He and his mistress became a laughingstock at work

He's never going to leave, because he has everything he needs right now — her for sex and emotional attachment, and his wife for security. Why should he leave? He has the best of both worlds!

He/she happened to be in the right spot at the right time. They are nothing special. Your spouse was looking for an affair, not looking for them in particular.
Don’t Make The Other Person More Important Than They Really Are
See The Relationship For What It Really Is: FANTASY
They Are An Illusion
Don’t Internalize Your Feelings - Such feelings can lead to depression, self – loathing and anxiety.
Entry for October 03, 2007
Domestic violence and abuseDominance — Abusive individuals need to feel in charge of the relationship.
Humiliation — An abuser will do everything he can to make you feel bad about yourself, or defective in some way. Isolation — In order to increase your dependence on him, an abusive partner will cut you off from the outside world. Threats — Abusers commonly use threats to keep their victims from leaving or to scare them into dropping charges. He may also threaten to commit suicide, file false charges against you, or report you to child services. Intimidation — Your abuser may use a variety of intimation tactics designed to scare you into submission. Denial and blame — Abusers are very good at making excuses for the inexcusable. They will blame their abusive and violent behavior on a bad childhood, a bad day, and even on the victims of their abuse.

Most people assume that a person stuck in a bad marriage has two choices: stay married and miserable or get a divorce and become happier

she became his soul mate while me wife for 28 yrs is ... what a pain that he should get rid ... then why dont he instead of punishing me .... i wanted out never wanted to be in his stupid triangle anyway
Domestic Violence Escape Kit
Pack a survival kit.
Money for cab fare
A change of clothes
Extra house and car keys
Birth certificates
Driver’s license or passport
Medications and copies of prescriptions
Insurance information
Credit cards
Legal documents such as separation agreements and protection orders
Address books
Valuable jewelry
Papers that show jointly owned assets

People found out. He and his mistress became a laughingstock at work

He blamed me and make me the guilty party ... claimed that i am insane while he went out depressed and diagnosed as such but in actual fact he hungers for her and wanted to turn me out but ....

He's never going to leave, because he has everything he needs right now — her for sex and emotional attachment, and his wife for security. Why should he leave? He has the best of both worlds!

He/she happened to be in the right spot at the right time. They are nothing special. Your spouse was looking for an affair, not looking for them in particular.
Don’t Make The Other Person More Important Than They Really Are
See The Relationship For What It Really Is: FANTASY
They Are An Illusion
Don’t Internalize Your Feelings - Such feelings can lead to depression, self – loathing and anxiety.

September 30, 2007

how to become a cheating lover
your lover started working late and on holidays and weekends?
Busy, Busy, Busy.
Your lover starts sleeping so far on the other side of the bed, they end up on the floor.
The deep freezer is now in the bedroom!

your lover's cellular bills unusually expensive?
If they are not calling you 10 times a day, who are they calling?
your lover all of a sudden have frequent errands that they have to do?
Filling up the gas tank when it is only half full, washing a clean car, or finding tools with price tags still on piling up in the garage?
the passenger seat of your lover's car need adjusting every time you get in?
When your lover works late, there are no incoming calls accepted at the office.
Yeah right!
Press re-dial on your lover''s cellular phone after any unusual call.
It won't be Pizza Hut!
Has your lover asked for "space" or "time-out"?
Tell them to go stand in a corner!
your lover wine and dine you like never before
October 02, 2007

How To Survive An Affair

The Three Phases to Recovering from Infidelity
Individual Healing - Understanding Personal Healing and Sorting through Emotional Problems
Healing As a Couple - Working Together to Identify and Resolve Key Issues
Negotiating a Renewed Relationship - Understanding How to Rebuild and Sustain a New, Trust-filled Partnership
The Four Roadblocks to Healing After An Affair

Loss of Hope

Ten Destructive Habits That Demolish Trust
Neglecting Your Partner
Angry Outbursts
Unfair Accusations
Constant Fighting
Taking Revenge
Disrespectful or Demeaning Comments
Intentionally Engaging in Irritating Habits
Selfish Demands

October 03, 2007
is a symptom, just as a sore throat
admitted to the affair,
but yet he still continues to contact this person and has asked me to be patient. He said he will need to get her "out of his system" and to give him some time.
gradual process.

7th kind of affair I describe (I want to be close to someone...which means I can't stand intimacy), ending the affair often takes time. Yes! No! On again! Off again is the scenario.
Affairs also lollygag for those who are "in love"...and just love being "in love" or My Marriage Made me Do it.
expect a roller coaster ride
the "just friends" emotional affair:

This person often struggles knowing where to draw the line. S/he often throws him/herself into something 100%.
He/she struggles with intimacy. (I want to be close to someone, but don't like intimacy.)
Of course the "just friends" comment means either "stay away" or I'm, underneath all this, really confused about where I fit in relationships, what I want from them, or what they mean to me.A sad kind of "stuckness or lostness."
It usually takes 6 to 48 months to break free from the affair
What if One's Spouse Can't Reveal all the Details of an Affair?
Broken trust hurts, but the longer it goes on, the deeper the pain.
try justify to himself that if there has been a short affair, he should protect his partner from pain, and not tell

he/she is protecting himself from the anticipated pain of feeling guilt and the marriage breaking up because of the betrayal.
go ahead and rip the bandage off.

July 07, 2007

I was beaten and landed myself in hospital for 5 days and the creapo didnt even turn up to see me instead went to see his mistress to seek solace ...

as time gets by i will teach you all the things a jerk will do to " keep " his peace and claims tat i deserve all these bashing
November 02, 2006

"the last time i felt this way was some 27 yrs ago. I realise i'm old now especially when i look in the mirror. i cannot help feeling this way 4u as i already hv a soft spot d first time i saw you years ago actually. I always try to avoid mtg u actually. can't really identify why the feel, it is not sexual, just makes you feel weak, vulnerable & most of all sometimes not thinking right. that's on visual, when come to talk together or sms it gets worse. i feel desperate when i don't hear from you. these are some of the things that my 2 adult childred are facing then they including their mother notice the "glow" on my face. How come i have it too? i didn't realise until all of them realise, i'm the last to realise. "

this was how the lies and deceit started and never ended until even he marries her and he will never stop