Monday, June 22, 2009

Entry for January 20, 2008
He was working late too and guess with whom Last Friday he had to work late .. I didnt bug him cos I was busy tryuing to secure myself a job. Late he sms and told me to accompany him to his music jaunt. I as always can stay in the car. Agreed. I was there I had met his friends wives who "lied" about his new marital status ..... I had vowed to him never to see them again and here as we were going he casually informed me that one of them will be there ... the vicious one too and he expected me to entertain. "No pressure you can always stay in the car" he smiled.The words repeated when we reached ... I took his words and stayed in the car. I know he was hurt and the relationship now seemed to be cemented to be I am leaving ... I dont like hurting him but strangely I feel free ... I am my own person.

Entry for January 24, 2008
Why Good People Suddenly Have an Extramarital Affair ?

1. Such infidelity is often with someone ?of a "lower social class." The OP (other person) is thought of by many as a "loser." The OP may have a history of unstable relationships. Often substance abuse is in the picture. The two of them together certainly, to most, seem to be a gigantic miss-match.

2. The feelings and emotional tug and pull of the affair is for him/her extremely powerful. S/he may say that for the first time s/he is "in love." S/he may say to the spouse, "I love you, but am not 'in love' with you." One is reminded of affair #4 in Break Free From the Affair, "I fell in love...and just love being in love." S/he cannot or chooses not to explain the affair in any other terms other than "I'm in love."

3. S/he seems to live in two worlds. To others s/he does an amazing job of moving from one world to another. S/he continues to parent, work and fulfill responsibilities, although at times it seems as if s/he is not really "there."

4. S/he may express anger, especially at the partner or spouse, although it may be rather indirect. It emerges typically as affair #1: "The Marriage Made me Do it." The spouse may be incredulous as s/he hears him/her saying, "The marriage was lousy. You never paid attention to me. You did this. You did that." Etc. Most of these "issues" were not previously addressed.

5. If there is a degree of awareness on his/her part, s/he may disclose: "I need to find out who I really am. And, I feel like I can be myself with the OP." S/he is, in reality, devoid of an inner core or self. S/he spent most of her/his energy accommodating others, basing his/her actions on what s/he thought others or society expected. Bottom line: s/he gives tremendous power to others, especially those of the opposite sex to define who s/he is, especially as a psycho-sexual being. S/he lacks an internal compass.

6. S/he is on a path of self-destruction. This is obvious to everyone but him/her. Again, if there is a degree of awareness, s/he may admit: "Yes, I know this might not work out, but I can't help it."

7. S/he may express little remorse. This comes as a huge surprise and shock to those who know him/her best. S/he is compelled to continue contact with the OP and a part of her/him is convinced this is something s/he MUST do. Damn the torpedoes. Straight ahead. And, s/he spends insignificant time apologizing.
Affairs occur mostly because of sexual attraction.
Fact: The lure of an affair is how the unfaithful partner is mirrored back through the adoring eyes of the new love. Another appeal is that individuals experience new roles and opportunities for growth in new relationshipsYou can have an affair without having sex. Sometimes the greatest betrayals happen without touching. Infidelity is any emotional or sexual intimacy that violates trust.

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