Wednesday, December 29, 2010

why do a woman sets herself for same mistake by the same man ... drowning of dry land ... I must remember to do things for Allah and not for a miserable piece of man. My dugaan .. i have to accept it and move on
All words spew out are just to get himself laid or entertained ... nothing is for you .... Just look in the mirror see what is looking back ...
He found his soulmate and you are just some piece of shit which he likes to feel good doing charity work
I must realise that so that my pride doesnt get sway ... I am on this earth to obey the Almighty not have fun ..... I am not the lucky few to be blessed being loved.
My role model would be Ayesha the Pharoah's wife who's inner beauty outshine her own tremenodous beauty

Monday, November 8, 2010

the real truth

Arief told me the reason why his father is still hanging around and being extra nice .... afraid of my curses ..yep i remember the first one being his car spinning like crazee and then police bumping into him etc etc.

Explains alot why they both over the board with me .... but i know she hates me like crazie but pretending to be nice for his shake.

over pranoia with his email being hacked into ... just when mine was and he laughed it off Oh well

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Past ... unbelievable ... they can still hurt despite my moving on ... they are married now living with me ... using me as their maid and mediator. Do I believe that they are having marriage difficulties no ... deep down in think they are putting an act like before.

Monday, September 6, 2010

He gave me alot from his bonus ... perhaps his disappointment with her. But being narcist ... he swings from ultra nice to mean at a moments touch

Sunday, August 22, 2010

since Friday the man seems contented in abusing me .. i wanted him out of the house since fasting month and yet they mis-stayed
On Sat after my class he got more and more abusive until a few minutes before berbuka i asked him to move out ... he angrily obliged and slammed the grill door on his precious finger ... and bled the finger perhaps broke it too

I am tired each fasting month since his affair with her .. he kept abusing me more than ever during fasting month. Do i hate him ... needless to say ... but i will be strong insyallah

Monday, July 12, 2010

Each time he allows me to have my space .. he'll come and come up with so problems (never ending) with new wife cant handle and now .. 2 weeks and still staying occupying my house

Monday, June 14, 2010

What hurt the most is how my (in)significant other tries to whitewash his "infidelity" by claiming that he doesnt love the other woman ...haha ...have read his diary and his sms ..lies and more lies

I am too old to fight ... have nothing left ... so what I awaits my death and giving up this life ... I live on for my son ... and soon i will just be a speck in frothy water

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

today his 2nd wife admitted that she have been giving him a potion to "calm" him down. Each time he drinks he was / is given ... well she'll never change ... at least this time she is recite the quranic verses ...
I will not interfere with their unique love affair

Monday, May 17, 2010

as i watch him crying ... a joined him but not in his remorse but my inability to care anymore for him
I will do my duty as god wants me ... but i cant give him my heart ... it is broken too many time and all by him that i doubt if its there for anyone at all. I know i love my youngest son enormously but all others ... i care but i wont give them my all.
His new wife is trying desperately to be a friend but each step she takes ... i feel myself retreating backwards a thousand steps.
Is it my hatred or what is wrong with me ....

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Memories can be a funny thing ... your mind can delete some events that you wont or refuse to remember
For me ...
As i realise that my significant other while enamoured with love for the other woman .. nearly killed me and brutally beat me as i cursed and threaten to expose their relationship (or her to the office )
The second time when we were separated I managed to steal his handphone thus with documented proof of their affair ... he tried to run me over his car uttering wanting to kill me and later as i grabbed hold of his precious mont blanc ... It was their love pack thing ... he bought a his and hers mont black abt rm 2000 each
and later threw me a peace offering of rm 200 pens as a token
He will kill me to protect her ... that is wat love is all about
Just as he called her to see him at the hospital so tat people think she is the nice one protect and loving him

the question now is ... i am tired and care not about wat happens Told my youngest to let go if she manage to kill him ... she will not harm us if all the money is hers.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Dream and nightmare ???
I dreamt last nite tat i was driving my 4 wheel and it got stuck on a grave stone ... There was relocation of graveyard and the right path happens to be the wrong path ... (some hidden meaning)
I got killed by some creatures of the night of rather and my grandmother (now youthful looking in mid 30's ) coming to get me .. rescueing me but i knew tat i somehow lost the battle and now dying ... my grand hugged me commented me on how much i looked like her and i was safe in her arms ... safe as in dying . I wanted to die and was comfortably being envelope in a mist of slow death ... until she looked at me and said telepathicly ... someone coming for you ... she looked hurt and i was disappointed and felt someone stroking my head ... and i woke being stroked by my husband ....
Oddly i felt disappointed ... i didnt want to come back and to wake up gently stroke by him ..... tears slided down my eyes without my realissing it

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

After months of trying to search my heart on why I cant believe him and her ...

his diary fell on my lap ... and i read all the pages with so much hatred at first and then became so sad

He could lie so much ... I knew he never love me anyway so why the charade

They had an affair and fell deeply in love with each other and corrupted their love with passionate escapes .. why include me

wasnt it enough

they want it all .. she even gave me The Duchess to watch just incase i didnt understand what's going on

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

I cant complain how my life is leading to ... but why cant i love or return the love of someone (who have lied and cheated on me and now repent) Does it means i never forgave him or is it I fell out of love ...
Polite relationship and regular sex life but all is empty on my part ... i feel nothing nothing at all .... I cant return any emotions except intermitted anger and hurt

Is this normal feeling or am i damaged ??

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

true and untruth

when your spouse says they no longer love you, that doesn’t always mean the love is dead. It may simply mean the love has been covered up by anger, frustration, resentment or other emotions.

Typically, this occurs because of an affair or years of neglect.

To justify these feelings, your spouse may even start rewriting history to match this feeling that the love has died. He or she might say things like, “I never really loved you,” “I married you out of a sense of obligation,” or, “I was afraid you would fall apart if I left.”

As difficult as this situation may be, hope isn’t lost because…

If You Were Once in Love,
You CAN Fall in Love Again.