tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-58108054626891943602024-03-13T09:59:59.235-07:00lost and being found (????)Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger47125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5810805462689194360.post-85370324065474449582010-12-29T06:09:00.000-08:002010-12-29T06:15:32.371-08:00why do a woman sets herself for same mistake by the same man ... drowning of dry land ... I must remember to do things for Allah and not for a miserable piece of man. My dugaan .. i have to accept it and move on<br />All words spew out are just to get himself laid or entertained ... nothing is for you .... Just look in the mirror see what is looking back ...<br />He found his soulmate and you are just some piece of shit which he likes to feel good doing charity work<br />I must realise that so that my pride doesnt get sway ... I am on this earth to obey the Almighty not have fun ..... I am not the lucky few to be blessed being loved.<br />My role model would be Ayesha the Pharoah's wife who's inner beauty outshine her own tremenodous beautyUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5810805462689194360.post-5689190773656537902010-11-08T16:34:00.000-08:002010-11-08T16:38:04.094-08:00the real truthArief told me the reason why his father is still hanging around and being extra nice .... afraid of my curses ..yep i remember the first one being his car spinning like crazee and then police bumping into him etc etc.<br /><br />Explains alot why they both over the board with me .... but i know she hates me like crazie but pretending to be nice for his shake.<br /><br />over pranoia with his email being hacked into ... just when mine was and he laughed it off Oh wellUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5810805462689194360.post-44988013523751171992010-10-26T21:18:00.001-07:002010-10-26T21:19:52.819-07:00Past ... unbelievable ... they can still hurt despite my moving on ... they are married now living with me ... using me as their maid and mediator. Do I believe that they are having marriage difficulties no ... deep down in think they are putting an act like before.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5810805462689194360.post-3997264488481735462010-09-06T00:43:00.000-07:002010-09-06T00:44:43.111-07:00He gave me alot from his bonus ... perhaps his disappointment with her. But being narcist ... he swings from ultra nice to mean at a moments touchUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5810805462689194360.post-65026340072694948952010-08-22T18:56:00.001-07:002010-08-22T18:59:10.944-07:00since Friday the man seems contented in abusing me .. i wanted him out of the house since fasting month and yet they mis-stayed<br />On Sat after my class he got more and more abusive until a few minutes before berbuka i asked him to move out ... he angrily obliged and slammed the grill door on his precious finger ... and bled the finger perhaps broke it too<br /><br />I am tired each fasting month since his affair with her .. he kept abusing me more than ever during fasting month. Do i hate him ... needless to say ... but i will be strong insyallahUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5810805462689194360.post-63732198813908870632010-07-12T20:06:00.000-07:002010-07-12T20:07:53.940-07:00Each time he allows me to have my space .. he'll come and come up with so problems (never ending) with new wife cant handle and now .. 2 weeks and still staying occupying my houseUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5810805462689194360.post-60310663654010865782010-06-14T04:25:00.000-07:002010-06-14T04:30:33.706-07:00<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_I5BIqpIRk98/TBYSwbkDnaI/AAAAAAAABbc/ckeWGVAtNY0/s1600/8239.jpg"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 320px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 288px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5482590219612167586" border="0" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_I5BIqpIRk98/TBYSwbkDnaI/AAAAAAAABbc/ckeWGVAtNY0/s320/8239.jpg" /></a><br /><div>What hurt the most is how my (in)significant other tries to whitewash his "infidelity" by claiming that he doesnt love the other woman ...haha ...have read his diary and his sms ..lies and more lies </div><br /><div>I am too old to fight ... have nothing left ... so what I awaits my death and giving up this life ... I live on for my son ... and soon i will just be a speck in frothy water </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5810805462689194360.post-34278228241942262472010-05-18T05:01:00.000-07:002010-05-18T05:03:08.473-07:00today his 2nd wife admitted that she have been giving him a potion to "calm" him down. Each time he drinks he was / is given ... well she'll never change ... at least this time she is recite the quranic verses ...<br />I will not interfere with their unique love affairUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5810805462689194360.post-19105273976813010102010-05-17T18:27:00.000-07:002010-05-17T18:31:16.617-07:00as i watch him crying ... a joined him but not in his remorse but my inability to care anymore for him<br />I will do my duty as god wants me ... but i cant give him my heart ... it is broken too many time and all by him that i doubt if its there for anyone at all. I know i love my youngest son enormously but all others ... i care but i wont give them my all.<br />His new wife is trying desperately to be a friend but each step she takes ... i feel myself retreating backwards a thousand steps.<br />Is it my hatred or what is wrong with me ....Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5810805462689194360.post-78558281138210809402010-05-02T07:21:00.000-07:002010-05-02T07:28:26.619-07:00Memories can be a funny thing ... your mind can delete some events that you wont or refuse to remember<br />For me ...<br />As i realise that my significant other while enamoured with love for the other woman .. nearly killed me and brutally beat me as i cursed and threaten to expose their relationship (or her to the office )<br />The second time when we were separated I managed to steal his handphone thus with documented proof of their affair ... he tried to run me over his car uttering wanting to kill me and later as i grabbed hold of his precious mont blanc ... It was their love pack thing ... he bought a his and hers mont black abt rm 2000 each<br />and later threw me a peace offering of rm 200 pens as a token<br />He will kill me to protect her ... that is wat love is all about<br />Just as he called her to see him at the hospital so tat people think she is the nice one protect and loving him<br /><br />the question now is ... i am tired and care not about wat happens Told my youngest to let go if she manage to kill him ... she will not harm us if all the money is hers.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5810805462689194360.post-86573126760043044952010-04-19T17:05:00.000-07:002010-04-19T17:13:07.143-07:00Dream and nightmare ???<br />I dreamt last nite tat i was driving my 4 wheel and it got stuck on a grave stone ... There was relocation of graveyard and the right path happens to be the wrong path ... (some hidden meaning)<br />I got killed by some creatures of the night of rather and my grandmother (now youthful looking in mid 30's ) coming to get me .. rescueing me but i knew tat i somehow lost the battle and now dying ... my grand hugged me commented me on how much i looked like her and i was safe in her arms ... safe as in dying . I wanted to die and was comfortably being envelope in a mist of slow death ... until she looked at me and said telepathicly ... someone coming for you ... she looked hurt and i was disappointed and felt someone stroking my head ... and i woke being stroked by my husband ....<br />Oddly i felt disappointed ... i didnt want to come back and to wake up gently stroke by him ..... tears slided down my eyes without my realissing itUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5810805462689194360.post-66816006779816475512010-03-17T07:09:00.000-07:002010-03-17T07:14:28.271-07:00<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_I5BIqpIRk98/S6DjsRRPg2I/AAAAAAAABbU/Vhe_pORNgE4/s1600-h/gee.JPG"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 320px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 308px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5449605898807772002" border="0" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_I5BIqpIRk98/S6DjsRRPg2I/AAAAAAAABbU/Vhe_pORNgE4/s320/gee.JPG" /></a><br /><div>After months of trying to search my heart on why I cant believe him and her ...</div><br /><div>his diary fell on my lap ... and i read all the pages with so much hatred at first and then became so sad</div><br /><div>He could lie so much ... I knew he never love me anyway so why the charade </div><br /><div>They had an affair and fell deeply in love with each other and corrupted their love with passionate escapes .. why include me </div><br /><div>wasnt it enough </div><br /><div>they want it all .. she even gave me The Duchess to watch just incase i didnt understand what's going on </div><br /><div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5810805462689194360.post-52029042128503098822010-02-24T01:00:00.000-08:002010-02-24T01:04:15.010-08:00I cant complain how my life is leading to ... but why cant i love or return the love of someone (who have lied and cheated on me and now repent) Does it means i never forgave him or is it I fell out of love ...<br />Polite relationship and regular sex life but all is empty on my part ... i feel nothing nothing at all .... I cant return any emotions except intermitted anger and hurt<br /><br />Is this normal feeling or am i damaged ??Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5810805462689194360.post-42148816153491605412010-01-26T18:03:00.001-08:002010-01-26T18:06:03.598-08:00true and untruth<span style="font-family:arial;">when your spouse says they <span style="color:#ff0000;"><strong>no longer love</strong></span> you, that doesn’t always mean the love is dead. It may <span style="color:#ff6666;">simply mean the love has been covered up</span> by <span style="color:#ff0000;">anger, frustration, resentment or other emotions.<br /></span><br />Typically, this <span style="color:#009900;">occurs because of an affair or years of neglect</span>.<br /><br />To justify these feelings, your spouse may even start rewriting history to match this feeling that the love has died. He or she might say things like, “I never really loved you,” “I married you out of a sense of obligation,” or, “I was afraid you would fall apart if I left.”<br /><br />As difficult as this situation may be, hope isn’t lost because…<br /><br />If You Were Once in Love,<br />You CAN Fall in Love Again.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5810805462689194360.post-62575721652557780642009-12-07T22:30:00.000-08:002009-12-07T22:33:47.945-08:00each day i feel suffocated .. my hatred for them is still deep but alhamdulillah imy love for god is great. <br />i feel like a whore each time .. am glad he got his wife to fulfill some of his needs .. when she takes over completely wc she seems to be wanting to .. at times snarling me for occupying his moments .. ha have him i dont want him .. i need the roof to live for my son and iUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5810805462689194360.post-55543113989205667722009-09-18T00:25:00.000-07:002009-09-18T00:32:55.506-07:00<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_I5BIqpIRk98/SrM3TDGDZLI/AAAAAAAABaI/e2fZW8ueyoA/s1600-h/Poems-for-Broken-Hearts.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 304px; height: 320px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_I5BIqpIRk98/SrM3TDGDZLI/AAAAAAAABaI/e2fZW8ueyoA/s320/Poems-for-Broken-Hearts.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5382706780025611442" /></a><br /><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_I5BIqpIRk98/SrM3GUW5guI/AAAAAAAABaA/MLZgHKrS4_k/s1600-h/brokenheart1.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 320px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_I5BIqpIRk98/SrM3GUW5guI/AAAAAAAABaA/MLZgHKrS4_k/s320/brokenheart1.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5382706561321370338" /></a><br />The man is playing ard ... pretending tat he hates her company but all the while he is just trying to set up another meeting. Luckily he had received enough anger treatment from me to play around by making the creep meet with me. I have no desire to meet any of this relatives ... his mothers and his lover/wife for the rest of my life or his which ever come first.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5810805462689194360.post-12741564334301104382009-09-16T00:35:00.000-07:002009-09-16T00:37:57.941-07:00are they playing my emotions again ... i do believe in the supernatural and he claims that her family are doing voodoo stuff on him<br />My youngest got another theory .. she is trying to kill him and he is paranoid now cos he does realise things are not rite <br />Sumhow is theory is more believable .. she claims not know certain things and yet at her age ... she couldnt claim to be THAT IDIOTICUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5810805462689194360.post-58120049010978682642009-09-13T23:40:00.001-07:002009-09-13T23:40:47.770-07:00<strong>Am a lonely star, always on the path of gloom-<br />In love with me n myself coz, no one else cared,<br />I would wade into the depths of sorrow-<br />And grieve till my eyes could no longer fill<br /><br /><br />I would fake myself in to believe that,<br />One day I will emerge from the deep dark depths-<br />Of my own sorrow and longing,<br />To a new day with a fresh beginning<br /><br /><br />Memories burning in my soul, tears in my eyes<br />I still keep waiting for my lost sunshine<br />But I know my life won’t be the same again,<br />Still I keep waiting for her to return……</strong>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5810805462689194360.post-19315780956482840432009-09-06T16:28:00.000-07:002009-09-06T16:29:03.970-07:00<center><embed src="http://www.glitterbell.com/generators/Swinging-Heart/heart.swf" FlashVars="htext=i hate you&hcolor=0xff0000&hsize=60&hdomain=http://www.glitterbell.com/" quality="high" wmode="transparent" width="380" height="350" name="Swinging Heart" align="middle" allowScriptAccess="samedomain" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" /></embed><br><font size="-2"><a href="http://www.glitterbell.com/">Visit GlitterBell.com</a></font></center><br />back from holsUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5810805462689194360.post-52786614147155865192009-08-31T17:00:00.000-07:002009-08-31T17:05:21.188-07:00<em>He said : <blockquote>yes as said before again and again i love u first she comes later in my life. now i love both. i stand by my words</blockquote>.</em><br /><br />full of bshit cos our Rasulullah loves Aisyah the most and he never mislead his other wives so. All knew that but he treated them equally except for his love.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5810805462689194360.post-77275021370352054632009-08-30T17:26:00.000-07:002009-08-30T17:34:43.051-07:00<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_I5BIqpIRk98/SpsZOJKJAHI/AAAAAAAABZY/s3LbM7YQhe0/s1600-h/701373afyq83nr17.gif"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 162px; height: 320px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_I5BIqpIRk98/SpsZOJKJAHI/AAAAAAAABZY/s3LbM7YQhe0/s320/701373afyq83nr17.gif" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5375918310964134002" /></a><br /><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_I5BIqpIRk98/SpsZNrnrGlI/AAAAAAAABZQ/TzxuaPVdu00/s1600-h/528px-FiveElementsCycleBalanceImbalance.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 282px; height: 320px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_I5BIqpIRk98/SpsZNrnrGlI/AAAAAAAABZQ/TzxuaPVdu00/s320/528px-FiveElementsCycleBalanceImbalance.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5375918303034939986" /></a><br />Today i decided to check on my vision which i had earlier and had asked her the meaning ( it was in chinese) and her translation was something coffin but actually it means fire earth and wood. Precisely that is us in chinese element<br /><br />Fire feeds the earth while wood destroy the earth and yet feeds the fire<br />The riddles still lingers<br /><br />Another dream ... the fight worst without me ... my mission ????<br /><br />My man again decided to be fair .. for this raya he decided to be with her cos she might be lonely <br />Fair is according to the dates allocated and allowing whoever to donate not take her rites to give to another. God i sure hate meUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5810805462689194360.post-76226704669190463002009-08-26T21:54:00.000-07:002009-08-26T22:10:29.050-07:00<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_I5BIqpIRk98/SpYUxCAiZOI/AAAAAAAABZI/H7g9LMdut1o/s1600-h/CIMG0135.JPG"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 139px; FLOAT: right; HEIGHT: 117px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5374506037898536162" border="0" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_I5BIqpIRk98/SpYUxCAiZOI/AAAAAAAABZI/H7g9LMdut1o/s320/CIMG0135.JPG" /></a><br /><br /><div align="justify"><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Last nite he came and i relented ... somehow i knew his wife didnt know he came to berbuka with me </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Early today opened an email from him wc hinted about me being a witch who is cursing his miserable life. What he cant take is take after all the ill treatment he had given me .. all i did was raised my hands to the almighty to show him guidance ... make an example out of his so that so other muslim and muslimah could go on this world and not be punished for their bad deeds. He was a lousy husband a lousy father and lousy son and also a lousy worker and boss Yet he believed that he was god's creation as gift to us. He walk this earth thinking that </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">And when all bad luck came his way ( me the only one cursing how loud) he tot i was practising witch craft and making his life miserable </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Vanity and syaitan goes along together and this man seems full of them</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">His stupid new wife is just as bad perhaps igniting flames of the already burnt jar of anger. How could a 35 year go on claiming that she is so innocent of her rude behaviour or all the bad deeds she does. Going out and dating another woman's husband (is god's will) and flirting with the boss is so innocent that she claims to be ignorant of. Well he believes her .. as my son puts it ... she is brand new despite the flaws</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;">And i am expired and waiting to be sent to a mental asylum but they feared i might be chanting there ... i really should move on and leave the two pathetic souls to their bitter end THE SNAKES deserve each other and Ya Allah let them coilled each other to death</span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5810805462689194360.post-45983774678846716202009-08-24T22:40:00.000-07:002009-08-24T22:49:00.164-07:00<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_I5BIqpIRk98/SpN7LCaotkI/AAAAAAAABZA/2HfBylzv1hQ/s1600-h/CIMG0122.JPG"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 320px; FLOAT: right; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5373774209940502082" border="0" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_I5BIqpIRk98/SpN7LCaotkI/AAAAAAAABZA/2HfBylzv1hQ/s320/CIMG0122.JPG" /></a><br /><br /><div align="justify"><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Under an advise of an old and dear fren I decided to try to FORGET AND FORGIVE the man i despise. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">and thus i wrote an email and the man came around noon .... hah i told him my problems and he didnt even seems to care ... why should him cos i degraded his brand new loving sweet wife </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">deep down he seems to agree but ah</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">I feel good and now hoping i get my wish of total freedom from them</span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5810805462689194360.post-61344763625578717752009-08-22T23:50:00.000-07:002009-08-22T23:57:45.983-07:00<span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">How much does RM 100 carries ... my darling husband gave me that sum a week ago and expect me to feedit the cats and his sons with it ... what other indication does that tells you He is the mathematical genius and his brand new Asst Manager wife could always help calculated the figure to see if his money is more than enough.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:85%;">Fasting month and i found myself eating less to feed the children and pets. I guess i needed the diet.</span> <br /><br />The hungrier i get the more i felt that i was taken for a ride ... enough said the man doesnt love you what more his children. Perhaps after fasting month i should go report and he will bring the issue about me going bonkers ... then he can have the children ... i will leave<br /><br />I am beyond caring about selfish men and their wife who boasted she is so loyal .. (loyal bafoon)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5810805462689194360.post-49737889730472242652009-08-16T20:04:00.000-07:002009-08-16T20:21:13.097-07:00<div align="justify"><span style="font-family:arial;">The man ignored my phone calls (perhaps he wanted to respect my desire for space ... haha one blew up later) and also ignored that we arepenniless ... no income to feed his sons and cats he left behind. </span></div><div align="justify"><span style="font-family:arial;">Finally he answered his son's sms and then 3 sms later to announce RM 100 has been deposited ... ooo that is a lot bought eggs friskies and bread and balance to his eldest we are left with RM 50 ... OH well i really need a job just to suppliment our income</span></div><div align="justify"><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></div><div align="justify"><span style="font-family:Arial;">A poem i wrote earlier - </span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#cc33cc;">I live in a house claimed to be mine yet taken over by another</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#cc33cc;">To be a queen, but an aging queen waiting to be suceeded</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#cc33cc;">Being told that i am happy with a happiness that isnt mine </span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#cc33cc;">And seeking a dream that i never dreamt </span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#cc33cc;">Am drowning in my sea of happiness created for me , yet not desired for me</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#cc33cc;">Am overcome by utter joy built on my utter miseries</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#cc33cc;">And the sound of laughter chocking my tears of silence </span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#cc33cc;">i am so happy that lunacy beckons me </span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#000066;"></span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0