yipee am using the new setting at my work station and simply adorable
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
moving forward but not forgetting what he did
tat is a promise i intend to keep being married to him or not ... insyallah
Monday, June 22, 2009
Entry for June 07, 2008
Emotional Abuse
leave any measurable physical damage, but they will cause progressive, long-term harm. Never underestimate the power of words: words are used to brainwash.
Being told you are “stupid”, “ugly”, “lazy” or “worthless” is never acceptable. The first times you hear it, it will hurt, naturally. In time you “may get used to” hearing it from a partner. That’s when you start to internalize and believe it. When that happens you are doing the other person’s work of putting you down for them. This is why your feelings of self-worth suffer increasingly over time.
The good news is that just as words have been used to bring you down, you can learn to harness the power of words to build you up and restore your confidence and belief in yourself.
2. You are always told that it’s your fault. Somehow, whatever happens, however it starts, the ultimate blame is always yours. Notice that we are talking ultimate blame here. The blaming partner will always tell you that their behavior was caused by what you said or did. In fact, their argument runs along the lines that you can’t possibly blame them for anything, because if you hadn’t said what you said, or done what you did it would never have happened.
3. You’re more inclined to believe your partner than you are to believe yourself. Have you ever reeled with a sense of hurt and injustice, or seethed with anger at the way you’ve been treated? Have you found yourself asking: “Is it reasonable to feel like this?” “Am I misinterpreting things?” “Have I got it wrong?”
If this is you, what it means is that you have become so brainwashed you’ve stopped trusting in your own judgment. Your mind keeps throwing up the observations and questions because, deep down, you know that what is happening is utterly wrong. But right now you can’t feel the strength of your own convictions.
4. You need your partner to acknowledge your feelings. Have you ever felt desperate to make your partner hear what you are saying and apologize for the hurtful things they’ve said? Have you ever felt that only they can heal the pain they’ve caused?
Does your need for them to validate your feelings keep you hooked into the relationship?
When a partner constantly denies or refuses to listen to your feelings, that is, unquestionably, mental abuse.
5. Your partner blows hot and cold. He can be very loving but is often highly critical of you. He may tell you how much he loves you, yet he is short on care or consideration towards you. In fact, some of the time, maybe even a lot of the time, he treats you as if you were someone he truly dislikes.
You do everything you can to make him happy, but it’s never good enough. You’re more like the pet dog in the relationship than you are the equal partner. Your constant efforts to get his attention and please him meet with limited success. Sometimes he’ll be charmed, often he’s dismissive.
If you find yourself puzzling about how your partner can treat you that way, it is because you are trying to live in a love-based relationship, when in reality you are living in a control-based relationship. The mental abuser struggles with his own feelings of worthlessness and uses his relationship to create a feeling of personal power, at his partner’s expense.
6. You feel as if you are constantly walking on eggshells. There is a real degree of fear in the relationship. You have come to dread his outbursts, the hurtful things that he will find to say to you. (Maybe the same anxiety and need to please spill over into your other relationships also.)
Fear is not part of a loving relationship, but it is a vital part of a mentally abusive relationship. It enables the abuser to maintain control over you.
7. You can heal. Mentally abusive relationships cause enormous emotional damage to the loving partner who tries, against all odds, to hold the relationship together and, ultimately, can’t do it, because her partner is working against her.
Whether you are currently in a mentally abusive relationship, have left one recently, or years later are still struggling with the anxieties and low self-worth and lack of confidence caused by emotional abuse, it is never too late to heal.
But you do need to work with a person or a program specifically geared to mental abuse recovery.
Women who have suffered mental abuse expect radical change of themselves, and they expect it right away. This is why they often struggle and, not uncommonly, take up with another abusive partner.
Mental abuse recovery is a gradual process. Low self-worth and limiting beliefs about what kind of future the abuse sufferer can ever hope for are the blocks that can stop women from moving on. But they are blocks that you can clear very effectively. Just as language was once used to harm you, you can now learn how language can heal you. You can overcome past emotional abuse and keep yourself safe from it in the future. You can also learn to feel strong, believe in yourself and create the life and the relationships you truly want.
Emotional Abuse
leave any measurable physical damage, but they will cause progressive, long-term harm. Never underestimate the power of words: words are used to brainwash.
Being told you are “stupid”, “ugly”, “lazy” or “worthless” is never acceptable. The first times you hear it, it will hurt, naturally. In time you “may get used to” hearing it from a partner. That’s when you start to internalize and believe it. When that happens you are doing the other person’s work of putting you down for them. This is why your feelings of self-worth suffer increasingly over time.
The good news is that just as words have been used to bring you down, you can learn to harness the power of words to build you up and restore your confidence and belief in yourself.
2. You are always told that it’s your fault. Somehow, whatever happens, however it starts, the ultimate blame is always yours. Notice that we are talking ultimate blame here. The blaming partner will always tell you that their behavior was caused by what you said or did. In fact, their argument runs along the lines that you can’t possibly blame them for anything, because if you hadn’t said what you said, or done what you did it would never have happened.
3. You’re more inclined to believe your partner than you are to believe yourself. Have you ever reeled with a sense of hurt and injustice, or seethed with anger at the way you’ve been treated? Have you found yourself asking: “Is it reasonable to feel like this?” “Am I misinterpreting things?” “Have I got it wrong?”
If this is you, what it means is that you have become so brainwashed you’ve stopped trusting in your own judgment. Your mind keeps throwing up the observations and questions because, deep down, you know that what is happening is utterly wrong. But right now you can’t feel the strength of your own convictions.
4. You need your partner to acknowledge your feelings. Have you ever felt desperate to make your partner hear what you are saying and apologize for the hurtful things they’ve said? Have you ever felt that only they can heal the pain they’ve caused?
Does your need for them to validate your feelings keep you hooked into the relationship?
When a partner constantly denies or refuses to listen to your feelings, that is, unquestionably, mental abuse.
5. Your partner blows hot and cold. He can be very loving but is often highly critical of you. He may tell you how much he loves you, yet he is short on care or consideration towards you. In fact, some of the time, maybe even a lot of the time, he treats you as if you were someone he truly dislikes.
You do everything you can to make him happy, but it’s never good enough. You’re more like the pet dog in the relationship than you are the equal partner. Your constant efforts to get his attention and please him meet with limited success. Sometimes he’ll be charmed, often he’s dismissive.
If you find yourself puzzling about how your partner can treat you that way, it is because you are trying to live in a love-based relationship, when in reality you are living in a control-based relationship. The mental abuser struggles with his own feelings of worthlessness and uses his relationship to create a feeling of personal power, at his partner’s expense.
6. You feel as if you are constantly walking on eggshells. There is a real degree of fear in the relationship. You have come to dread his outbursts, the hurtful things that he will find to say to you. (Maybe the same anxiety and need to please spill over into your other relationships also.)
Fear is not part of a loving relationship, but it is a vital part of a mentally abusive relationship. It enables the abuser to maintain control over you.
7. You can heal. Mentally abusive relationships cause enormous emotional damage to the loving partner who tries, against all odds, to hold the relationship together and, ultimately, can’t do it, because her partner is working against her.
Whether you are currently in a mentally abusive relationship, have left one recently, or years later are still struggling with the anxieties and low self-worth and lack of confidence caused by emotional abuse, it is never too late to heal.
But you do need to work with a person or a program specifically geared to mental abuse recovery.
Women who have suffered mental abuse expect radical change of themselves, and they expect it right away. This is why they often struggle and, not uncommonly, take up with another abusive partner.
Mental abuse recovery is a gradual process. Low self-worth and limiting beliefs about what kind of future the abuse sufferer can ever hope for are the blocks that can stop women from moving on. But they are blocks that you can clear very effectively. Just as language was once used to harm you, you can now learn how language can heal you. You can overcome past emotional abuse and keep yourself safe from it in the future. You can also learn to feel strong, believe in yourself and create the life and the relationships you truly want.
Entry for April 17, 2008
His mind is a classic narcissistic disordered ... and only deepened my worries about him and his children. He is using them to get to me as always without care ... I now hope that the bitch who is supply the N is enough but ... somehow I think his madness in wanting to have vengence on me his overriding everything. I know he is avoiding me ... to punish or is he deliriously happy with her ... I fear the former and every misfortune that I had for the past 2 -3 years seems to be his handiwork ... the car .. my job ... god he seems to sabortage every thing ...
I really pity him ... isnt here any more goodness left in the ugly old body of his ... he kept complaining about his Hormer looking face ... it is a smirk looking face like dorian gray ... minus his magic mirror and he really hates it and it really frightens me cos ... recently as I saw him ... he looks full of evil and I thought it was her work but .... the other way round.
Entry for March 22, 2008
It is really fun to see how my jerk ... he strangled me and came a calling the next day with the sweetest of behavior ... trying to romance the pants off me. And how fast he turned into MR Hyde when I refused. He went around practically showing off the scar I handed him ...
One police report later to emphasised my not wanting him as my husband .. I ve been given deposited money into my account.
I never been owner of such sum ... and now it is funny cos my Jerk never rewarded me that much.
Am glad he thus has someone else to give his shit too and all i need now is to recover and have my dignity and me back ..... he must be really having such a lot of fun bullying me into submission all these years .... hai to the emperor of Jerk.
It is really fun to see how my jerk ... he strangled me and came a calling the next day with the sweetest of behavior ... trying to romance the pants off me. And how fast he turned into MR Hyde when I refused. He went around practically showing off the scar I handed him ...
One police report later to emphasised my not wanting him as my husband .. I ve been given deposited money into my account.
I never been owner of such sum ... and now it is funny cos my Jerk never rewarded me that much.
Am glad he thus has someone else to give his shit too and all i need now is to recover and have my dignity and me back ..... he must be really having such a lot of fun bullying me into submission all these years .... hai to the emperor of Jerk.
Entry for March 23, 2008
Dear Jerk of mine ... you handed me such sum of money .. and you are right I am terrified cos ... feel like a trap has been sprung. Dear god such manipulation ... fairy tales of a prince gone beserk ... trapped princess turned into a mouse that gnawed in anger. Does that make her a mad person or an angry persona who is fighting back with all her live.
I hate you for what you are doing ... anipulative jerk ... go with your new found love and leave this old lady alone instead of your manipulativeness . One day you will get your just reward ....
Laugh away ............ you forgot that a trap and lost soul is alway taken pity by god and her cries for justice are usually heard.
Dear Jerk of mine ... you handed me such sum of money .. and you are right I am terrified cos ... feel like a trap has been sprung. Dear god such manipulation ... fairy tales of a prince gone beserk ... trapped princess turned into a mouse that gnawed in anger. Does that make her a mad person or an angry persona who is fighting back with all her live.
I hate you for what you are doing ... anipulative jerk ... go with your new found love and leave this old lady alone instead of your manipulativeness . One day you will get your just reward ....
Laugh away ............ you forgot that a trap and lost soul is alway taken pity by god and her cries for justice are usually heard.
Entry for March 16, 2008
It is really hard to get over being under a narcisstic personality disorder.... and since he wants to shift his attention to another ... i should rejoice or try. Not that the bitch who is taking over deserves any pity after all those insults thrown in my face.I just want to some peace in my life ... to move on into a space where i can learn to trust people again and am surprise that there are plenty out there offering such. Tat Mr NPD had almost destroyed all my trust and am glad people are offering attentions and help. Slowly and surely I hope to recover from all the lies and deceit webbed and all the manipulative moves that created a void in my life. Someone said that i used to be strong and somewhere and somehow tat emotion is still there. You will find it despite all the batteredness you have endured ... i really hope so cos dear god i sure need my strength to pick up the pieces and move on with my son looking on for support.Tags: Edit Tags
Entry for March 11, 2008
Things Great Men do Not Do
Things Great Men do NOT do... from A-Z
A Abuse their partners
B Bully their partners
C Cheat on their partners
D Deceive the partners
E Emotionally hurt their partners
F Frighten their partners
G Grumble about their partners to others
H Harm their partners
I Ignore or insult their partners
J Joke about their partners
K Knock their partner's self esteem
L Lie to their partners
M Malign, or mistreat their partners
N Neglect their partners
O Offend or oppress their partners
P Push their partners
Q Quelch the dreams and goals of their partners
R Ridicule or rule their partners
S Slander or subjugate their partners
T Tyrannize their partners
U Underrate their partners
V Violate or verbally abuse their partners
W Wrong their partners
X Explore extra-sexual/intimate relationships
Y Yell at their partners
Z Show Zero interest in their partners
Entry for March 11, 2008
How to Tell if a Man is Using Youif you are asking, you are probably feeling used. And if you are feeling used you are probably being used.
There is a significant difference for most men between wanting a woman for a plaything for a night or two, and wanting a real, healthy, mature relationshipHow can you tell the difference?
Why not ask yourself a few questions....
Does the guy appear interested in your life? Your family? Your interests? Or is he only interested in "alone time"?
Does the guy show care and respect for you? Or are you a convenience?
Do your conversations center around life, ideas, interesting thoughts? Or is it all about when you are available for sex?
Do you have a great time together when there is no physical activity going on? Or is sex the only thing that brings you together?
Do you feel cared for and cherished for being who you are? Or do you feel you are only valued for what you do for the guy?
Is the guy interested in your goals, your dreams, your hopes? Or is the relationship pretty much centered on his needs?
Do you feel in your heart that you are valued as a human being? Or do you feel your value comes from the guys expectations?
Do a little exploring. Be honest with yourself. Don't deny or repress your feelings. Be open to what your heart is telling you.again the highlighted indicated my great man
divorce
Entry for February 03, 2008
my birthday passed with lotsa of bang ...discovered the two lovers are at it again and again he is hiding the facts .... I shoved my head ... as promised that if i caught him lying I would do tat and if he keeps a single picture of her at home I would delete all my pictures and I did.I feel free ... not to be bullied by them anymore ... so what she can have the creep ... 10 Men You Should Never Date...Ever! life! Don't fall for them and their tactics!
1. The Liar ? Your interactions with him are based on false information that wastes your time. His coping skills are zero, and he will do it over and over with false apologies when caught. You believe him, and then get sucked in again.
2. The Addict -- Can you fix him? No. Will he fix himself? Maybe. In the meantime, his ability to interact and forge real relationships is stunted, no matter how good a man he might be. The haze of addiction clouds everything.
3. The Kid Who Won't Grow Up ? He will forever need a mother, not a lover.
4. The Angry Man ? He will destroy your self-esteem and self-confidence over time.
5. The Mama's Boy ? He is the Kid Who Won't Grow Up, with his mother attached.
6. Mr. Too Good To Be True ? He will come on strong, hook you and then disappear, every time.
7. The Drama King ? He creates ups and downs that turn your life into a yo-yo. One minute it's good then the next minute it's bad, and it's all about him, always.
8. The Coward ? He is afraid to love and afraid to leave, and he won't have your back when it counts.
9. The Passive and Distant Man ? He is the one of the most frustrating of all. He turns on the charm when he senses you leaving, and then pulls back when he knows he has you. He will always be absent, wistful, and wanting more. You will not be enough.
10. The Control Freak ? This man will eventually abuse you, first verbally and emotionally, then physically. Get out while you can.
Entry for March 01, 2008
After many months asking for divorce ... he finally granted me so I am now free from the evil man who used to be my husband
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