Entry for October 16, 2007

http://emersonhart.imeem.com/music/TeNU79BR/emerson_hart_if_youre_gonna_leave/
the other woman: She's the one every girl in a relationship fears and loves to hate. She could be the nicest girl in the world but that aspect of her taboo lovelife has to be hidden under a cloak of illicit darkness.

She can't shout out her love for her shared man from rooftops and her self respect is torn to shreds. Even the moments of happiness with him can't be sustained because she knows they are stolen moments and not truly hers to begin with. - borrowed from the urban-makcik

http://www.urban-makcik.com/2006/06/other-woman.html
:the ow (well he traded down) and I feel hate and contempt and also glad at the whole picture ( I am really bad????)
what the ow thinks
"Oh, he's leaving her, he's been trying to let her down lightly, it might take some time."
"Oh, he's got kids, so he has to do this in his own way"
"His wife is very sensitive, she's threatended to commit suicide/is bipolar/is psychotic"
Being the other woman sucks eggs
" Will he ever leave her?", "Does he really mean what he said?", "Does he compare me to her constantly?"
"How can he treat her like this?Will he do the same to me?"
My intentions was not to break him and her apart. Never had that thought crossed my mind.
Wondering if he is lying again. Feeling used. Wondering if you could do better
"I don't think I'm the keeper of every marriage," she says. In fact, she blames the wives of married men for allowing their husbands to stray. "I think married women need a wake-up call,"
(words in red are the some of the words my OW said to me)http://www.drphil.com/shows/show/112
This man obviously does not love you or his wife because he's not being fair to either of you.

http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-3Bl4z38ibKPYM0DIDnqrTm0AFFM-?cq=1&p=928

You can close your eyes to reality, but not to memories

Entry for October 16, 2007


the grief cycle:
*denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance
*Shock and denial
*Volatile Reactions - "Whenever one's identity and social order face the possibility of destruction, there is a natural tendency to feel angry, frustrated, helpless, and/or hurt. The volatile reactions of terror, hatred, resentment, and jealousy are often experienced as emotional manifestations of these feelings."
*disorganisation and despair
*deorganisation

Once a cup is cracked, it is hard to mend. Water may still leak out from the cup if it is not mended properly. Crack lines can still be seen and using the cup everyday reminds you of how the cup was being broke. However, you never throw the cup away for your own reason(s. - quoted by peace bella

While the experience of grief is a very individual process depending on many factors, certain commonalities are often reported. Nightmares, appetite problems, dryness of mouth, shortness of breath, sleep disorders and repetitive motions to avoid pain

How to Overcome Sadness and Grief?

Do not try to contain or hide your sadness and grief. Cry out your pain, shedding tears cleanse and relieve from pain. Pray out your grief to get peace.

Continue with your life by following the same routine as you used to be before. Or, you can consider doing what you wanted to do for years.
If you have lost a loved one, first know the fact that he or she wants you to carry on your life happily.

Be here or there, he or she wants you to do the best.
You may have lost your loved one, but not your love. Remember - as long as your love is alive your loved one will be alive and he or she will be with you. Never say that you have ‘lost’ your loved one.


Helping someone suffering from sadness and grief feel better is the best way to make you happy and contented. Believe what you give out into the world comes back ten-fold. Always be ready to extend the love and help to another.
For some people, the best way to relieve sadness and grief is finding their own spirituality.

Attending prayers, hearing to spiritual songs and watching spiritual videos help a lot.

or
"Why do women go back to their cheating husbands?"
Because their desire to not be disrespected was stronger than their faith in love.

Friendship and bonding may be a reason why women want to remain with husbands who cheat.
because they are smart and realize that going back might make them stronger.
went back to my husband because I really loved him. I stepped out on faith, and I was really believing God to fix the situation, but needless to say I went through all kinds of mental torment with my husband after everything was all open.
I hated him, even though I stayed with him. I secretly rejoiced when he was miserable, I really hated him

NEVER, ever trust him again like you did before

October 11, 2007
Bad karma bad vibes ....
He ran over a sweet kitten on his way to have fun .... why is it every raya he seems to be able to destroy the joy and suck the happiness away. But last year was the worst ... when he persued a witch calling her his angel and soulmate ... I choose my bed and now force to lie on it
or
something my husband should say to me


Still undecided to what I am going to do with my life but one thing i know is that I would be nicer to everyone including my enermies - at the moment THE BITCH and my husband who still choose to cohort with the enermy. Says one thing but do the other ... how can he expects me to be that stupid. Oh yes he is so we females are lesser being rite???

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RtIHBRsy1lI

Ladies, has your guy ever cheated on you?
No.15610 votes (10%)
Yes, I caught him red handed. 77328 votes (54%)
I've suspected, but never caught him.50152 votes (35%)

A study published this month by Daniel Kruger in the journal of Personal Relationships, shows that people consistently judge more masculine-looking versions of a male face as someone who is more likely to:
commit infidelity
make a pass at someone's else girlfriend
be promiscuous
Is Your Partner a Narcissist? From Loving the Self Absorbed by Dr. Nina Brown

Take this quiz and find out. Based on your knowledge of your partner, answer each of the following using this scale:

5-Always or almost always does this

4-Frequently does this

3-Does this sometimes

2-Seldom does this

1-Never of almost never does this

Quiz:

1. Constantly looks to you to meet their needs

2. Expects you to know what he/she expects, desires, and needs without having to ask for it

3. Gets upset when you are perceived to be critical or blaming

4. Expects you to put his/her needs before your own

5. Seeks attention in indirect ways

6. Expects you to openly admire him/her

7. Acts childish, e.g., sulks or pouts

8. Accuses you of being insensitive or uncaring without cause or notice

9. Finds fault with your friends

10. Becomes angry when challenged or confronted

11. Does not seem to recognize your feelings

12. Uses your disclosures to criticize, blame, or discount you

13. Is controlling

14. Lies, distorts, and misleads

15. Is competitive and uses any means to get what is wanted

16. Has a superior attitude

17. Is contemptuous of you and others

18. Is arrogant

19. Is envious of others

20. Demeans and devalues you

21. Is self-centered and self absorbed

22. Has to be the center of attention

23. Manipulates others to win attention

24. Is impulsive and reckless

25. Boasts and brags

26. Is insensitive to your needs

27. Makes fun of others’ mistakes or faults

28. Engages in seductive behavior

29. Is vengeful

30. Expects favors, but does not return them

Total:

126-150-It’s likely that your partner is a narcissist

102-125-Your partner has many narcissistic characteristics

78-101-Your partner has some troubling narcissistic traits

54-77-Your partner has few destructive narcissistic traits

30-53-It’s unlikely that your partner is a narcissist.

Entry for October 15, 2007

Got quoting from loveshack posted by Melovator
"I call it White Knight Syndrome or WKS. There are lots of guys out there with WKS- in order to feel good about themselves they need to be with someone who needs rescuing. Someone with more problems than themselves so they are the 'strong' one in the relationship. I've seen it so many times with a couple of male friends, they meet women who are really f**ked up and be there while she gets back on her feet and then as soon as she's together- DUMP! And looking my ex- he's got a bad case of it, rather than deal with his own problems, he takes on a woman with 'Damsel in Distress Disorder' (DIDD). I've always preferred to slay my own dragons!"

Hey that is precisely what she called him begging him to call her a princess who was being rescued. The jerk and

again something I heard his friends said to him comparing me to her ..... makes me hate him even more.I pitied her yet when all those cruel words she threw at me .... both are condemned here and in hell.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t128848/

Why a wife stays in a marriage when her spouse is a cheater?
I honestly think one must be selling their soul to even consider themselves to be disrespected in that manner. In all fairness, at least the wife has MUCH more at stake than the OW does, and I can see her valiantly fighting to keep her marriage.

The OW, however, is simply fighting to keep someone who SO clearly has shown her ZERO respect and loyalty.
There are MANY reasons why the wife stays, but the usual over-riding reason is because she loves him. She loves the man she fell in love with and married. She also knows that many people make many mistakes.
She usually has FAR more experience and history with the man than does the OW, as well as a far greater investment. A wife also took a vow "for better or for worse". Usually she figure this is the "for worse" part.
they have invested years of their life in the relationship, and still hope it can be fixed.
you put up with a lot of bad behaviour when you love someone.
Even when you don't love your partner anymore, you might try to fix things for reasons of pride. Or because separating would mean having your life turned upside down. I suspect that some people don't separate not to have thrown in their faces what is taking place on their backs at present.
Any Woman who stays in a cheating marriage is indeed selling her soul.

A cheating husband is also a liar.

He lies not only to the OW but to his wife as well.
what the wife says (abt OW):
The truth is that she has no idea what he does when he's not with her...and most of the time he's with me.
He will ignore her phone calls when he's with me, or call her when I'm not around...but he always picks up my call regardless of whether he's with her or not.
He's told her even that we aren't being physically intimate
He has been upfront with me about his feelings for her and has asked me for time to wean himself off of her.
He has told her that he cannot assure their future together because he's not leaving his wife or his family
I have given him opportunity after opportunity to leave and go be with her. I've told him to leave and be with her
He has asked me not to make him leave and told me that home with me is where he wants to be.
I want his happiness more than I want my own.

My reasons to stay with him and work through this with him are
because he has asked me to. and financially am unstable and a mistake

• SIGNS OF AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP
  Your Inner Thoughts and Feelings
  Your Partner’s Belittling Behavior
  
• Do you:
  feel afraid of your partner much of the time?
  avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner?
  feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner?
  believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated?
  wonder if you’re the one who is crazy?
  feel emotionally numb or helpless?
  
• Does your partner:
  humiliate, criticize, or yell at you?
  treat you so badly that you’re embarrassed for your friends or family to see?
  ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments?
  blame you for his own abusive behavior?
  see you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person?

October 4 2007

Domestic violence and abuse

Dominance — Abusive individuals need to feel in charge of the relationship.
Humiliation — An abuser will do everything he can to make you feel bad about yourself, or defective in some way. Isolation — In order to increase your dependence on him, an abusive partner will cut you off from the outside world.

Threats — Abusers commonly use threats to keep their victims from leaving or to scare them into dropping charges.

He may also threaten to commit suicide, file false charges against you, or report you to child services.

Intimidation — Your abuser may use a variety of intimation tactics designed to scare you into submission.

Denial and blame — Abusers are very good at making excuses for the inexcusable.

They will blame their abusive and violent behavior on a bad childhood, a bad day, and even on the victims of their abuse.

Entry for October 05, 2007
The Other Woman - Slut! Tramp! Homewrecker!
The thing is, the other woman is a woman - pure and simple. The only difference between you and her is that she is in a relationship with a committed partner. Trouble is, he's not committed to her.

Here are the signs to be keen of.... a LYING CHEATING SPOUSE

1. Fingers or hand over the mouth

2. Fingers of hand over an ear

3. Fingers or hand over the eyes
Any of these can give away a strong signal if this is done right at the moment of a lie.

Many of them will change the type of music that they listen to, or the clothes that they wear, sometimes right down to the type of underwear that they prefer. They will also become overly possessive of their cell phones and computer usage.
http://ezinearticles.com/?Three-Tricks-You-Can-Use-To-Catch-A-Cheating-Lover&id=727226
It’s not easy to yell: “You can kiss my backside goodbye” even if you are being treated badly.
: www.guyanesevibes.com/love.htm
They call each other soulmate. She threatens me, asking me to leave, rude to me and tells him otherwise. Of course I am hurt and wish to get out of the triangle
meaning soulmate
and what am I who is married to him for more than 28 years who gave birth and raises his children, who stood by him when we had nothing to eat but porridge, who didnt eat for days just to see him able to work, who had to carried buckets of water for about 2 kilometers just that his children and him are able to clean themselves, who went to work to support the family to eat and at the end of the day had nothing at all for egg nest, who ..... what am I ratting about ... I am invisible.
It is easy for her to accept a $2000 camera when the children in the house were fed with money earned by the wife, go to dinners when the wife and children never step into those places that she and he dined
She demanded that he accoounted his whereabouts with sms while I kept mum for years and sms him to telling him about my condition (when waiting for result for cancer diagnose) and told him that she was being supportive and when she calls me insulted me by saying that I should let the man go cos I am dying.
When I finally blow my top she reports that I was abusive when she was the one who insulted me with her sms and phone calls. I ask if someone phones and text message your man every 2 seconds and says that she is doing it to be supportive of him enduring pain of losing meYet when talking to wife was insulting and rude, do I have the right to be angry???????

Entry for October 05, 2007

my dilemma
Is she a victim or a vixen? A brazen hussy or the girl next door?
Cheaters never win at love
Warning signs of depression/suicide:
* Isolation or withdrawal from family, friends, and activities * Eating too much or too little * Sleeping too much or too little * Unexplained fatigue * Losing interest in personal appearance * Taking unnecessary risks * Hostility *Alcohol or drug abuse

Last nite he cant even deny that he stills carrying an affair with the bitch Most probably consulting her on how abt the office politics. As long as with her then the office will continue to punish them especially him .... hey we have been married for 28 long years and she decided to upstage me, asking me to leave and pretending to pity and support my husband while I was waiting for mycancer diagnose. She text message him and offered pity almost every seconds while telling me to go off somewhere to die.

Entry for October 03, 2007
Domestic Violence Escape Kit

http://youtube.com/watch?v=hjUf8-LZJwM
Pack a survival kit.
Money for cab fare
A change of clothes
Extra house and car keys
Birth certificates
Driver’s license or passport
Medications and copies of prescriptions
Insurance information
Checkbook
Credit cards
Legal documents such as separation agreements and protection orders
Address books
Valuable jewelry
Papers that show jointly owned assets
then walk out with confidence
People found out. He and his mistress became a laughingstock at work

He's never going to leave, because he has everything he needs right now — her for sex and emotional attachment, and his wife for security. Why should he leave? He has the best of both worlds!

He/she happened to be in the right spot at the right time. They are nothing special. Your spouse was looking for an affair, not looking for them in particular.
Don’t Make The Other Person More Important Than They Really Are
See The Relationship For What It Really Is: FANTASY
They Are An Illusion
Don’t Internalize Your Feelings - Such feelings can lead to depression, self – loathing and anxiety.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RA-4F6l-jr4
Entry for October 03, 2007
Domestic violence and abuseDominance — Abusive individuals need to feel in charge of the relationship.
Humiliation — An abuser will do everything he can to make you feel bad about yourself, or defective in some way. Isolation — In order to increase your dependence on him, an abusive partner will cut you off from the outside world. Threats — Abusers commonly use threats to keep their victims from leaving or to scare them into dropping charges. He may also threaten to commit suicide, file false charges against you, or report you to child services. Intimidation — Your abuser may use a variety of intimation tactics designed to scare you into submission. Denial and blame — Abusers are very good at making excuses for the inexcusable. They will blame their abusive and violent behavior on a bad childhood, a bad day, and even on the victims of their abuse.

Most people assume that a person stuck in a bad marriage has two choices: stay married and miserable or get a divorce and become happier

she became his soul mate while me wife for 28 yrs is ... what a pain that he should get rid ... then why dont he instead of punishing me .... i wanted out never wanted to be in his stupid triangle anyway

Domestic Violence Escape Kit

http://youtube.com/watch?v=hjUf8-LZJwM
Pack a survival kit.
Money for cab fare
A change of clothes
Extra house and car keys
Birth certificates
Driver’s license or passport
Medications and copies of prescriptions
Insurance information
Checkbook
Credit cards
Legal documents such as separation agreements and protection orders
Address books
Valuable jewelry
Papers that show jointly owned assets

People found out. He and his mistress became a laughingstock at work

He blamed me and make me the guilty party ... claimed that i am insane while he went out depressed and diagnosed as such but in actual fact he hungers for her and wanted to turn me out but ....

He's never going to leave, because he has everything he needs right now — her for sex and emotional attachment, and his wife for security. Why should he leave? He has the best of both worlds!

He/she happened to be in the right spot at the right time. They are nothing special. Your spouse was looking for an affair, not looking for them in particular.
Don’t Make The Other Person More Important Than They Really Are
See The Relationship For What It Really Is: FANTASY
They Are An Illusion
Don’t Internalize Your Feelings - Such feelings can lead to depression, self – loathing and anxiety.

September 30, 2007





SIGNS OF A CHEATING LOVER
http://youtube.com/watch?v=zjAOyAf-2Jc
how to become a cheating lover
your lover started working late and on holidays and weekends?
Busy, Busy, Busy.
Your lover starts sleeping so far on the other side of the bed, they end up on the floor.
The deep freezer is now in the bedroom!
your lover's cellular bills unusually expensive?
If they are not calling you 10 times a day, who are they calling?
your lover all of a sudden have frequent errands that they have to do?
Filling up the gas tank when it is only half full, washing a clean car, or finding tools with price tags still on piling up in the garage?
the passenger seat of your lover's car need adjusting every time you get in?
When your lover works late, there are no incoming calls accepted at the office.
Yeah right!
Press re-dial on your lover''s cellular phone after any unusual call.
It won't be Pizza Hut!
Has your lover asked for "space" or "time-out"?
Tell them to go stand in a corner!
your lover wine and dine you like never before
GUILTY BIG TIME - gotcha